I did this to myself; no one else is to blame
I was blind I saw what I wanted to see
When things went bad I stayed I should have walked
I stayed; more fool me, blind stupidity
Why did I do this? What happened to me?
Why did I let this happen to me?
I can’t believe that strong women turned into this
For what, more misery, screaming in sanity
I am and was so fucking stupid, today, yes even today
Now I am too old for it to make any difference if I go or stay
I hate being made to feel guilty for every little fucking thing
I didn’t spend thousands of dollars at a bar for years
I didn’t spend thousands more at a country club pretending wealth
I was dunned to death about piddling items on a credit card bill
Now I am too scared to go, to old and scared to start over.
In some way I feel defeated, but that wouldn’t be entirely correct
I wish screaming would fix it, change it, make it better, it won’t
So, I will do what I can to make me happy, fix what I can,
Tell the rest to fuck off
©Saroya Poirier October 30, 2012