No One Else to Blame

I did this to myself; no one else is to blame

I was blind I saw what I wanted to see

When things went bad I stayed I should have walked

I stayed; more fool me, blind stupidity

Why did I do this? What happened to me?

Why did I let this happen to me?

I can’t believe that strong women turned into this

For what, more misery, screaming in sanity

I am and was so fucking stupid, today, yes even today

Now I am too old for it to make any difference if I go or stay

I hate being made to feel guilty for every little fucking thing

I didn’t spend thousands of dollars at a bar for years

I didn’t spend thousands more at a country club pretending wealth

I was dunned to death about piddling items on a credit card bill

Now I am too scared to go, to old and scared to start over.

In some way I feel defeated, but that wouldn’t be entirely correct

I wish screaming would fix it, change it, make it better, it won’t

So, I will do what I can to make me happy, fix what I can,

Tell the rest to fuck off

©Saroya Poirier   October 30, 2012